“Lord of the Dance” is Garth Ennis’ two-fingered salute to the holidays.

It’s also a brief history of Christmas, or the structured celebration that became known as Christmas. The Lord of the Dance harkens to the days when Saturnalia was a ribald revelry replete with song, dance, drink, sex and many other pleasures before the pious made them vices.

Yet Constantine greases the doors to the past with alcohol for one more night of celebration.

Spectacular Spider-Man 173

“Creatures Stirring,” the title of this tale, showcases Gerry Conway and David Michelinie’s writing talents in celebration of the Christmas season.

Longtime nemesis Doctor Octopus returns seeking human kindness from – in his own words – the only woman who has ever shown him kindness: May Parker.

Also en route to join festivities already in progress at the family homestead is Peter Parker, laden with gifts. Along the way, the weary Web-Head detours long enough to stop a street Santa mugging and the Daily Bugle for the annual Christmas party.

An impromptu altercation at the latter puts Peter in a bad mood, meaning his eventual meeting with Doc Ock proves a misunderstanding resulting in the obligatory punch up.

That is interrupted by the appearance of Aunt May and Mary Jane. The kindly doctor makes his apologies and departs leaving Spider-Man to ponder, aloud, if there are any heroes of villains on Christmas Eve.

Wolverine 49 (2003)

Wolverine out Bruce Willis’ breakout character John McClane in this semi-cloned Christmas Eve story. The only thing missing is the “Yippy ki-yi-yah (explicative deleted).”

While I say this is a re-imagining of a classic action movie, “Better to Give…” is much more. Like Uncanny X-Men 143, the similarities between comic book and movie are laid bare early on and, in this case, Rob Williams makes no apologies. Nor should he.

The juxtaposition of a character with more red ink on his hands than a copier repair man – on a mission of mercy for team mate Kitty Pryde – on the cusp of Christmas in a crowded New York department store is, well…Wolverine says it best.

“I’m the best at what I do.

“But what I do best…

…isn’t shopping.”

Williams swipes from master Wolverine scribe Chris Claremont, but who hasn’t? Plus, the line works perfectly.

If looking for a stocking stuffer for the tougher-to-shop for, this is the one. Even the cover oozes menace.

Teen Titans Go! 25 (2004)

The Teen Titans have come a long way since their first Christmas tale, the oft reprinted Teen Titans Swinging Christmas Carol in volume one of their self-titled book way back in 1967. Almost as long as the previous sentence was.

Updated, The Secret Santa are the Teen Titans as most know them now, a brightly colored cartoon act, but still enjoyable especially at this time of year.

The junior Justice League first tricks villain of the month Billy Numerous using his own greed before going home to exchange gifts. All in 20-plus pages complete with puzzles and riddles in DC’s own version of Mad marginals.

Howard the Duck 3

Caught in a world he never made – and at Christmas time, too.

A morass, self-pitying Howard the Duck finds the true meaning of Christmas while trying to prove to a little girl Santa does indeed exist. All with some help from the jolly one himself and an elf.

That’s the simple run down, but with Howard it’s never as black and white as his magazine.

Howard had a brilliant run through his 33 regular issues, one annual, a Marvel Treasury Edition and even a slightly syndicated comic strip earning accolades under the mentor ship of Steve Gerber’s twisted take of late ‘70s America.

The satirical comic book came under new leadership when Gerber was relieved of duties due to creative issues and Bill Mantlo was installed for the nine-issue magazine run.

Mantlo handled the job as best he could, even casting Marvel’s mallard against the arctic background for this Christmas tale of civil war in the far north.

Not a standard Night Before Christmas by any means, but a unique look at the tail end of the 1970s, the Carter Administration, gas rationing and alternative fossil fuel resources.

Tomahawk 138

Bob Kanigher takes a run at Louis L’amour penning the lead story, backed by the capable team of Frank Thorn and Joe Kubert for the simply named “Christmas.”

Not a lot to say here other than Kanigher took the segregation and distrust of the old west to mirror similar emotions during the turbulent part of the early 1970s when bussing was still a topic even after Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great Society program.

No real tears here, but enough fresh snow to wash away most of the blood of both the innocent and ignorant.

What the…? 16

Unlike it’s predecessor six issues back, What The…? 16 is a true holiday issue – including a homage to Halloween 1991 and EC Comics.

The first three stories are dedicated to Christmas, each with a borrowed party favor from season’s past. First is Ock Around the Christmas Tree with Scott Lobdell penning the lyrical passage and Marie Severin adding enthusiastic pencils.

Sholly Fisch’s The Grinch Who Swiped Chanukah is a romp for both the sons of David and Gentiles with a healthy nod to Bill Finger for those who look close.

Someone to Watch Over Me by Barry Dutter and Keith Wilson reads like an extended Calvin and Hobbes Sunday strip.

Finally, Aaron Lopresti pulls a hat trick with writing, penciling and inking chores in …Are You Man Enough to Enter the House of Misery, an unapologetic homage to the EC horrors before the CCA came to power. It also marks the return of Forbish Man and a blatant raid on DC’s horror hosts. Maybe the gem of the book and that’s saying something.

Batman and Robin Adventures 3

Paul Dini takes the new title for a holiday spin early on with the Riddler playing the Grinch who tries to steal Christmas from the well-to-do of Gotham by crashing an exclusive Christmas Eve festival at the Peregrinator Club.

When Batman the Animated Series first aired no one realized it would become, arguably, the best Dark Knight cartoon with only Brave and the Bold challenging the series. Later it would incorporate the Boy Wonder toward the end of the original run and later offer an even younger version with The New Batman Adventures.

With each incarnation the comic book would mirror its televised counterpart. The Batman and Robin Adventures are the four-color feature of The New Batman Adventures.

Amazing Spider-Man 166

When the blurb on the cover reads, “It’s a Holiday Holocaust,” ya just know it’s gonna be good…and 1970’s Marvel.

Spider-Man takes on Stegron and the Lizard in this Christmas classic of Jurassic Park proportions.

Okay, that’s the plot, and without any spoilers we know Spidey succeeds ‘cuz he went on to break box office records with multiple movies.

Still, it’s a good tale with just the right amount of Merry Marvel spirit sprinkled throughout. Spider-Man rights the Conner’s Christmas tree after its been overturned, the cover sports some wreaths that frame the action and the supporting cast hold a Christmas Eve party.

The seasonal tone is driven home on the last page as Spidey webs a present for the Conners outside the window not wishing to disturb the revelry inside.

Amazing Spider-Man 166 is a textbook Christmas issue that advances the title without taking time out for a more traditional holiday one-and-done story. One to pick up.

Lobo’s Paramilitary Christmas Special

It’s doubtful Lobo’s Paramilitary Christmas Special is gonna replace ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a fun read.

A very fun read.

Keith Giffen provided the inspiration to a reimaged Justice League after Crisis on Infinite Earths with an irreverent blend of behind-the-scenes at Saturday Night and Three Stooges slapstick that captured my attention and heart. It was only fitting he take the secular side of the most holy of holidays and rape the time honored tradition of Santa Claus by posting a price on his head.

No spoilers here, but the only red and green in this issue are the bloody trail to the North Pole and money readers happily plunked down for this issue.

Buy it, Fanboy!