Posted Thursday, November 22nd, 2018 by Barry

A Deadpool Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving: a time for gratuitous gluttony, family feuding and Black Friday ads clogging newspapers, any form of digital media and television.

And, Deadpool.

At least for the 2017 kick off to the holiday season.

Rather than take traditional avenues, the marketing gurus at Disney chose to take a road less traveled by the normal Deadpool demographic. To tease the then six-month off sequel to the 2016 surprise blockbuster, a Norman Rockwellesque poster was featured in the 2017 holiday issue of Good Housekeeping.

Deadpool grossed $363.1 million domestically and $783.1 million worldwide. All on an investment of $58 million. The sequel fared almost as well, grossing $734.2 million to date against the $110 budget.

His cover appearance in the venerable Hearst Corporation staple was explained in the following editorial:

“Deadpool’s persistence to be in Good Housekeeping was impressive – initially we had no idea who he was, let alone that he was a fan of the magazine,” says Jane Francisco, Editor in Chief, Good Housekeeping. “But after repeated attempts to ignore his… passion… we came to a compromise. He could appear in one issue, if he promised to stop leaving care packages at our editors’ homes and agreed to maintain a 50-foot distance from the Good Housekeeping offices and our staff.”

“After years of weekly emails and countless carrier pigeons, Good Housekeeping finally returned my calls,” says Deadpool. “And while it’s a dream come true, apparently we have vastly different opinions on the definition of a ‘holiday spread’…”

Click the “Read More” button for some of Deadpool’s Thanksgiving recipes – our apologies in advance for the bad puns and double entendres.

In addition to Deadpool’s turkey carving tips, Marvel’s macabre mercenary offered special recipes – that really are recipes despite the instructions:

D’s Spiced Nuts

A hearty and healthy holiday snack that’s so tantalizing, you might just gobble up a whole sack of them by yourself.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 Tbsp egg white (1⁄2 lg. egg white)
  • 1 tsp kosher salt
  • 1⁄4 cup pure maple syrup
  • 1 Tbsp unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled
  • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 tsp coarsely ground black pepper
  • 8 oz (2 cups) raw pecan halves

DIRECTIONS:

To get started, center your rack in the oven and get it nice and hot, 325°F to be exact. In a midsize bowl, whisk egg white with 1 teaspoon salt until it’s as frothy and light as Sophia Petrillo with a poodle perm.

Demonstrating your firm, no-nonsense Carrie Bradshaw-like determination, whisk in the maple syrup, melted butter, cinnamon and pepper; then stir in the pecans with a heatproof spatula.

Next, spread that magically sweet ‘n’ savory nut concoction evenly across a rimmed baking sheet before sliding it into your E-Z Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, stirring once or twice until your nuts are perfectly glazed and fragrant.

Once time’s up, remove the baking sheet and let your toasty treats cool off for roughly 5 minutes. Stir with a spatula and continue to rest another 5 to 10 minutes, ensuring they have the appropriate time to cool down for proper handling. And don’t let your dishwasher clean that spatula. Your tongue is aching for the chance. That’s it. Oh, it’s that easy. Easy like a Sunday morning. Because with a recipe this simple, one might say that there’s nut-in to it.

Creamy Clam Skinny Dip

Enjoy the tangy, smooth taste of a creamy clam dip that will leave your guests begging for more.

INGREDIENTS:

  • 1 8-oz package light cream cheese, at room temp.
  • 1 6.5-oz can of minced clams, drained and juice reserved (chop any large pieces finely)
  • 2 green onions, white and green parts finely chopped
  • 1⁄2 lemon, juiced
  • 2 tsp Worcestershire sauce

DIRECTIONS:

In a bowl that would fit Cousin Oliver’s head for his weekly haircut, use a fork to mash the cream cheese until it’s as white, soft and creamy as a shirtless albino clown in a Jazzercise class.

Next, slowly add in 1 tablespoon of clam juice while mixing everything with the fork and saying “Michael Fassbender” 3 times slowly. Add lemon juice and Worcestershire sauce.

Now for the moment you’ve been working up to. Let’s slow things down a bit; add in your chopped green onions, then gently slide those silky clams right in there. That’s right, just mix it all together — using your hips to really stimulate all the ingredients. If you feel your creamy concoction is a touch too thick for your liking, just add a little more clam juice (in 1-tablespoon increments) to soften things up for the perfect mouthfeel.

Serve with pretzel rods or, if you’ve been disappointed too many times by a doughy stiff one, you can always go with a hearty chip — it’s OK, I won’t tell. Just remember, don’t be shellfish and your guests will all be happy as clams.

Source: Good Housekeeping

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